Relationship Violence
Relationship violence is the verbal, physical, and/or sexual abuse of one partner by the other. It often occurs in an intimate relationship that has the potential of developing into a long lasting relationship.
Examples of relationship violence include:
Physical abuse - may involve pushing, shoving, hitting, choking, confining, or assaulting with an object or weapon.
Emotional abuse - may involve intimidation, threats, humiliation, insults, pressure, destruction of property, control over a partner’s movements, isolation.
Sexual abuse - may involve sexual relations without consent, unwanted sexual touching or pressure to engage in humiliating or degrading sexual activity.
The Cycle of Violence
Violence between dating partners is often cyclical. This cycle can be characterized by three distinct stages:
The Tension Building Stage – at this stage the tension is building and the abuser becomes increasingly agitated and edgy, building up to an explosion.
The Explosion Stage – the abuser verbally, physically, and/or sexually abuses the victim. Generally, the attack is worse than the abuse inflicted during the tension building stage.
Honeymoon Stage – (also known as the “making up stage”) this stage follows the explosion stage and is characterized by romance and the abuser’s apologies and promises never to do it again. The behavior exhibited by the abuser during this stage often keeps the relationship together. The victim believes that the abuser is kind and loving and will not be violent again. (At the end of this stage, tension building begins once again.)
Dater's Bill of Rights:
- I have the right to refuse a date without feeling guilty.
- I can ask for a date without feeling rejected or inadequate if the answer is "no."
- I do not have to act macho.
- If I don't want physical closeness, I have the right to say "no."
- I have the right to proceed with a relationship at my own pace, and to say, "I want to know you better before I become involved."
- I have the right to be myself without changing to suit others.
- I have the right to change a relationship when my feelings change. I can say, "We used to be close, but I want something else now."
- If I am told a relationship is changing, I have the right not to blame or change myself to keep it going.
- I have the right to an equal relationship with my partner.
- I have the right not to dominate or be dominated.
- I have the right to act one way with one person and a different way with someone else.
- I have the right to change my goals whenever I want to.
- I have the right to change my mind about having sexual contact, and I have the right to stop sexual contact at any time.
- I have the right to tell someone I do not like the way I have been treated and that I choose to end the date or relationship.
Are You In An Abusive Relationship?
- Does your partner continually criticize what you wear, what you say, how you act, and how you look?
- Does your partner call you insulting and degrading names?
- Do you feel like you need to ask permission to go out to see your family and friends?
- Does your partner harass you and interrogate you about where you were and whom you were with?
- Are you always being accused of being unfaithful?
- Has your partner threatened to hurt you or someone you love if you leave?
- Does your partner force you to have sex?
- Does your partner physically assault you and then apologize profusely?
- Believe in yourself and do not second-guess your feelings.
- Know that you are not alone. There are over 2 million reports of dating/domestic violence every year.
- Ask a friend, family member, professor, or crisis center for help.
- If you are physically hurt seek medical attention.
- Getting help is the best thing you can do for yourself and your health.
- Remember, what happened to you is not your fault.
- Know that you have legal choices. Call your local crisis center or police department to learn about your choices.
- Believe the person. She/he needs you to be supportive and understanding.
- Do not ask too much. She/he may feel uncomfortable about involving others. The individual will open up when she/he is ready.
- Be supportive by listening or gathering information. She/he may appreciate phone numbers, pamphlets, legal documentation, or literature on abuse.
from GMU Sexual Assault Services Web site